March Madness

For some, the month of March is a bit mad, people begin their lenting, which tends to make some go a bit off the deep end, we have our traditional college hoops in full effect, and of course that green holiday that gives everyone an excuse to party like its 1999. Thanks for this one Cuban. A lot has happened in just these 4 weeks for me, as my little one grows another month and has officially reached her 1 1/2 marker, she is now a toddler with a mouthful of teeth! Learning words like "uh-oh", "ball", "whats that?" she is growing more each day. This month however sparked some new changes and unexpected flairs in my life, and God has an oddly funny way about showing He is real. I hadn't spoken to my oldest sister or mom for almost 6 months due to unnecessary family drama and it was killing me inside, I was truly mortified and was unwillingly having to accept the void I was feeling inside. After those 6 months had passed I could not take it anymore and swallowed whatever pride I had left and decided to initiate some sort of communication. I sent my mother an email, it was more like a ventmail, becuase I had let it all out in that long paragraph and hit send. I was hoping to stir up some sort of reaction, and at first nothing, but several days had passed and I received a response email. At first I was hesitant, and how awkward is it knowing you are hesitant to open and read an email from your own mother. After several correspondence emails we set a time and date to meet up and grab lunch. When we met up, it was as if we just sat down and started anew, kind of forgetting and forgiving all at in one moment. I was angry and hurt that so much time had gone on, but I also knew that holding any type of grudge was not going to get me anywhere, especially not forward. So I let it go. After this meeting, my mother and I kept cordial and sent texts, emails, and even called each other again...I however still had no communication with my oldest sister. I was going to accept the fact that we would not speak again, until she could truly apologize for things said and done. But about a week ago, it was a Saturday night on 3/10/12, I received a call from my mother, which I answered and was told that my sister had just been admitted to the hospital with all types of symptoms. My mom told me she was not in any good condition at all, and knows we have not been speaking, but said my sister had mentioned, her wanting to see me. My first thought was, Oh typical Lili, she always gets the escape of having to confront her own mistakes and never puts forth the effort to make things right. After hanging up with my mom, I immediately googled the symptoms my mom had told me she was having and the first thing that pulled up was, Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer. At this point, I did not know what to think, what to feel, or what to say. I continued doing some research and luckily the survival rate was pretty high at a 80% for the highest level of the cancer, as I kept reading it mentioned the only treatment would be chemotherapy and radiation. And this is when I just could not bear not seeing her, not being with her, regardless of what she had done or not done to me in the past, I just felt that this immediate circumstance trumped all of that. All I knew in my heart was to be with her, and let her know that I love her and am by her side. I was torn that entire night and even into the next, I sat down and talked to my boyfriend and expressed how torn I was, I knew it was right by God to forget everything and just be with my sister, at the same time I felt there had been so much damage and evil directly to me and my family that I would not go to see her. I was literally on a see-saw with what to do. I slept with my mind racing that night, arose the next morning and made my decision, I would go see her, alone. As I made it to the hospital and walked in her room, my mom had been sitting there, Lili was still in surgery from a biopsy the doctors had just performed on her. So I sat in her room quietly and waited. The nurses came in and rolled her in on her bed, she still hadnt noticed I was there mainly because of all the meds she was on. She finally looked up at me and broke into tears. My sister was in the hospital for a week, going thru tests, surgeries, and finally after years of not feeling well, the Doctor had diagnosed her with Hodgkins Lymphoma with a benign tumor on the wall of her heart. I was just in shock but knew that this would be incredibly hard for her and for our family, but if we knew anything, it is how to be strong, how to fight, and for the first time have our faith tested as a whole. Now, I mentioned God having an odd sense of humor, because during those 6 months of not talking to either my sister or my mom, I had cried, prayed, and asked what was going on, I just wanted a relationship with my family again. My mom told me she had been praying the same thing during those silent months, and then BOOM! not only are we all talking again but we are forced to come together as a family and be there for one another. I told Lili, that thru all this pain she as well as all of us, had to remain Faithful to Him, it was in His hands and that he gave her something that could be cured, although not easy to get thru, but it was going to be a long 8 months of a constant reminder that He is here and we must give it to him. I am not happy that my sister is having to go thru such pain, but I am happy that God gave us a way back into eachothers lives. I know I have stated this before, but it is not in our control, decisions we make, yes, but our overall path is in His hands. A friend of mine has lost very important people in her life, and it reminded me of how I do not want Him to take my sister or any of my family members from me, especially if we are not talking over something so petty. Nothing is bigger than the Love of our Heavenly Father and the Love from our Loved Ones. We truly have to cherish the small relationships in our lives because you never know. God has his own plans.

COLOR-ADO

So our little family took a small roadtrip to the beautiful city of Castle rock, CO, about 30 min away from Denver and about 2 hours away from the mountains (Breckenridge, Copper, Keystone, Vail). We pulled up at 8am after watching the sunrise behind those enormous mountains. The scenery had to be only one from Gods paintbrush because it could not get any more beautiful. We visited and stayed with my boyfriend's sister and husband along with their two kids (5&2years). My boyfriend and I got to spend a day on the mountain skiing and snowboarding, which we so desperately needed. It was a much needed getaway. While driving to the mtn. I realized in the 16 months of my mini's life, that day was the first day I had ever spent without her. It was a bitter/sweet moment. My daughter is anything but shy so she settled herself right in and was so interested and observant to what her older cousins were constantly getting into. It is so cute watching little ones play, especially cousins, because you know they are going to grow up with each other so watching the beginning stages is adorable. I absolutely love my boyfriend's sister, she is an amazing being, so sweet, kind, patient, an overly amazing cook, and to top that all she's a great wife to her husband, and a mother like no other. With little sleep on this weekend adventure I had such an incredible time really doing nothing but enjoying the company of family. My daughter's schedule took a hit so trying to adjust to a new atmosphere, new bed, new little ninos constantly running around, really threw her thru a loop and Id say more me than her. I haven't woken up at those hours of the morning since she was months old. But, none of that mattered because just having those hours of the day that fly by so fast, spending with kids and family, I could hardly sleep anyway. It was if I didnt want to miss out on anything, clearly our daughter didnt either. I definitely got a feel of what having 3 kids would be like, and shockingly enough, it wasnt a birth control to me. Im oddly looking forward to it. I have always, since I was a little girl, loved the concept of big family. Growing up in my immediate family, we would always get together on holidays or just random weekends with all the cousins, and to me this was Bliss. I would always tell my mother, I wanted 5 kids, a big house, and kids running around everywhere. I got a very small taste of what that would be like and Im game. My daughter took well to having her cousins around, they were teaching her the ropes. It is funny because I never imagined my life to be this way but I am so happy it has turned out the way it has, the way it was intended to. My boyfriend's family is so amazing, so full of love and I am so grateful to have them in my life. They have definitely changed my view on so many things. Family is what is most important in my life, always has been, and always will. Getting away from your norm is always a wonderful thing. Its like a reboost, or a cleansing to your soul. You learn and grow so much just from taking a little trip away from your day to day routines. Ive been seeing this statement a lot lately, "you cant appreciate what you have if you're constantly looking at what you don't" and it is so true. I am blessed to have my these people in my life, they mean the world to me. I already miss the color-ful Colorado. Cannot wait to go back. Who knows what the future has in store for us.

A Wonder World

This is such a Wonderful world, yet it always leaves me in such a ponder, wondering. We are all destined to achieve great things, yet we all wonder when? After the birth of my daughter I stood there in a wonder, asking now what world? My little blessing was a bit of a surprise, so I picked up my skirt off the ground and put on my boots and went straight on to my new tasks. You can never plan on life panning out perfectly how you or anyone else had expected it to be. There is a higher power who does our scheduling for us, which leaves us in the state of wonder. I used to ask why me, this, or that, but found it led me only to an empty dark room. Learning to work with what is given, thrown, tossed, or forced your way is what makes us the little unique individual spirits that higher power intended us to be. I have always been a believer, I was raised in a Catholic church, but it was not until high school that I realized I most definitely was not a Catholic abiding citizen. That did not deter my belief but it did put me at a cross road of where now, what now? I have always known, that trying to accomplish anything without Him, is merely just a joke in heaven. But finding your way to him without guidance or support, now that is a task in itself. I am just now realizing how important He is and will always be. For years, I attempted tackling this so called life on my own and have found myself in more misery than I can bare. I do not look back on my past with negative thoughts, because I remind myself that my higher power scheduled it to be so. With that, I work with what he has paved my way, and each persons path is never the same. I wrote a paper in my highschool AP English class junior year, and I titled it The Road Less Traveled, funny after thinking about that paper, that is exactly what my life has turned to be. I remember the last line of that paper went something like, "I have taken the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference." Call me Chleo but my goodness that sentence defines me. We all have bumps in our roads, it is how we choose to go over them or around them, and I think how we all come out after getting over that hump and approach a new one, is what makes us who we are. Perfection should not even be a word in the English language, or any language, because there is no such thing. The only thing that may come close is how we take a look at ourselves, our actions, our character and use it to better ourselves and others. Perfection!

My First Blog

As the new leaf turns, so do my thoughts. I am forever growing and learning, even when I thought I knew it all. Ha! I find myself asking Why? That 3 letter question can make one go a bit insane. The past year was yet another one for the books, but now that we are looking at a new 2012, I am starting to look at myself and am committed to making incredible changes. Instead of always wondering, I am starting to put thought to action. No more, what if, now it is I am. As my first blog I am not going into too many details of me or my life, those will come. But, it will be interesting to watch the progression from today to until. I am forever grateful to be here and now will test my worth, see how far I can get, and I am not just speaking about in a career but more just life in general. I am excited to read others blogs as well, one thing internet has given us, is the ability to connect to a stranger, to their thoughts, to me that is beautiful.