Monday, October 23, 2017
Learning To Fish
I have never been fishing in the literal sense, something I soon will check off my bucket list. I know, I know, not a difficult task, grab a rod, fishing bait, find water and throw your line right? Well, I don't know, because like I said, I have never been. This post is not about actual fishing, but figuratively speaking, I have been learning to fish since I was 6 and even more so when I was 17. My life has been a journey in an open ocean with a small hole in my boat with me constantly figuring out how to keep it afloat without sinking. I am positive thousands can relate. A summary of my upbringing, I am one of five siblings, and am right in the middle of our 5. The male who assisted in bringing 4 of us into this world has been non existent since I was 6, leaving behind his 3 daughters and son. So after his disappearance, we lived the not so normal life that comes with adapting to a single parent household of 5 children. My mother was never home as she worked her ass off to provide for us just the minimal of things, food, shelter, and clothing. None of which were your luxurious choices or options. When our mother was home, she was still working, constantly on the phone on a conference call or some business call, while we were always being "shushed" or given the snap of her fingers, which was her signal for telling us to shut the hell up and to leave her be. By the time I was 10, my oldest sister then 12, started to rebel and would run away from home, get involved with the "bad" kids at school and be stirred up in some kind of trouble. Not that my mother needed this, but honestly who could blame my sister, her and I were especially hurt by our father leaving as we had spent our first 6-8 years with only knowing life with him around, no matter how unpleasant it was at times, we still loved him dearly. After witnessing my sister's behavior, I learned not to behave in the same manner, only because I saw how hurt our mother was over it all. While our oldest sister was in and out occupying herself in all sorts of shenanigans, I was forced to not only become the "oldest" but was placed into the secondary parental role. So while our mother was off at work, I was left to take care of my two youngest siblings which was the result of our entire upbringing until our mother took a job offer in DC when I was 16. Carmen was our "nanny" who spoke zero english and who my younger siblings unfortunately missed out on learning Spanish took complete advantage of this situation by not "understanding" her, so again there I was to constantly tell and yell at my younger siblings what they should but mainly should not be doing. Carmen was really only at our house during the week while my mother worked one of her 3 jobs to give my mother some peace of mind that we were "ok", being fed rice and beans every day, and had a clean house to come home to. I always think about Carmen from time to time and wonder how in the hell she put up with my younger brother and sister who were little shits to her and never paid her any mind. I'll skip years of drama and details that my family faced during all of these years but needless to say they were quite interesting. How we are all still alive I have no clue but we are! Our mother was NO betty home maker, she was a full time working woman who had these little runts at home and shit ton of drama. My siblings and I did not see a loving two parent structure growing up so we are all a little rough on those edges. We all have had to figure out this life with only the moral compass my mother instilled in us. Everything else has been a hit or miss, trial and error experiment. Which let me tell you, yes makes you stronger if you haven't died, but is difficult as all get out to live life in the unknown with no path paved and taking your own. I have seen the darkest of days and a plenty of sunny ones. I am grateful for both. It is so easy for one to fall into a depression while comparing to others who have had a silver spoon or any spoon for that matter fed to them, but I say fuck that, I am entirely grateful for my upbringing, as hard as it was and is, because I know my strengths and learn and grow from my weaknesses. There isn't any time in my schedule for a pity me session, I have to suck it up buttercup and keep it moving. In my 32 years of life I have only recently been learning to truly let go and live, be positive even during the negative times, and be very aware and cautious of my OWN behaviors and reactions. From working at bars/nightclubs, graduating college, going to jail, being on probation, having children, starting a career, having a family of my own, and trying to figure out this whole adulting thing; I can say I have experienced quite a damn bit. One thing is for sure, my kids are going to have a hard time fooling this mommy who's seen it and done it all (other than fishing) ha! When I first started this post I was going to go into how hard it has been to be a parent with no support or help from my family or mother (I would say from my parents but yea, that guy dumped us long ago and has never been a source of support), but as my stream of consciousness began to flow, I thought to myself, "shut the fuck up and deal with it" (my motto for life in general). I am NOT one to get down on myself or fall into a depression, look for sympathy etc. In my world, you get on the horse no matter how many times you've fallen and you try again, and again, and again, and again. No, I have never learned to fish (figuratively and literally) but I am learning and will never give up no matter how hard times get. I've hit my rock bottom and have pulled up out of it, I also always think, "hell yes things could always be worse". I am grateful for my challenges and my experiences. Thank you to my mother that did not put silver spoons in our mouths, she has raised one tough cookie. And by this time next year, I will have thrown my line and have caught my own fish! Tootles!
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Hi Susan
In ALL respects, Susan, our worlds are indeed very, very far apart.
I took the time to read your rebuttal to Christy's response to the "Women's March." Rather than break your article down, as you did to Christy, I will in fact respond to the points you attempted to make for all "feminists."
Firstly, I will start off by stating, weren't you told to never assume?? Going out on a limb here but, as adolescents, we are told, "do not assume, for you end up making an Ass out of U and Me"
As you stated yourself, "you could be wrong," for you most certainly are! We in fact may have a tad bit in common, reason why I feel I can and am able to rise up against your word. I too, am a college educated, professional mom, so kudos to us! Yea true femininity, giving high fives and supporting another femme! I too live in a safe neighborhood (whats safe anymore though really?), nice houses, big (and I think the word you were looking for is "mature") trees. I'm a real estate agent, so those fluffy words really just fly off our tongues. My days are also filled with tasks of a city-life living family - my kids get a warm breakfast also, I too get to work and go to the gym, however I do not have my groceries delivered to my doorstep. That's pretty fancy, Susan. Hats off to you for being able to outsource that minuscule errand we (parents) have to do with our kids. Yes it is probably one of my most dreaded errands, running to the grocery store with the kids! But to the lay person, it is just another to do that needs to be marked off our list. I am not a single mom, but my mother was, single mother of 5 kids, and drug us ALL to the grocery store. Every Sunday! Of course your life gets messy!! Hello!!! Who's doesn't?? Sure we are all grateful for our kids and bust our asses so that those precious little souls are happy and healthy, regardless of your tax bracket. Am I right? I am glad you considered the millions of women who do NOT have a slither of what you have. How can the majority even relate? I barely can, so I feel, as mentioned before, since I do have a slither of commonality, I can give you the most honest answers you are looking for.
Susan, I am going to answer your important question.
EVERYDAY! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
Several hours of every single day, was the last time I had a meaningful conversation with a woman who's life isn't like mine. Wether it is better or worse, I can guarantee, EVERYDAY!! Took me a millisecond to respond that one! Is that all you got?? Id like for you to answer the same, seeing as there isn't much diversity in the burbs. Trust me I know, I resided there once and had to get the hell out, for it was too "uppity" for my liking. While on the subject, your subject, what difference does it make where I swipe my card or how much I spent?? How do you know, I didn't bust my ass all month to budget a big grocery trip to feed my family at home, not at the fine dining in the shops of whatever suburban strip you live in? Im sorry, I made an assumption there, maybe you do not dine out, so forgive me. See how kindness works?
Take all the time you need.
How a writer chooses to open their passage is their choice. She (Christy) is completely entitled to her feelings. So if she FELT she was a "disgrace to women" because she didn't agree with the women who marched, Can she not be wrapped up in Her Own Feelings? Just as clearly you are in yours?
Susan, I was raised a second-class citizen. Spanish was my first language. I was in ESL classes with all of the other brown kids. I grew up my entire childhood into adulthood in the barrio! Do you have any clue what that even means? No not Wikipedia's version or definition. Im waiting.
I was a statistic. My voice is definitely heard.
Oh I am sorry, you had to pay a a difference for co-pay. Or your rates jumped. I am so sorry for you. I on the other hand was forced to purchase an insurance I did not want. Did I jump and rave and whine about it? well, yea for a second, but I paid my fee and kept it moving. You seem to be a smart girl and you figured out your personal problem so kudos kiddo!
The question is, have YOU ever skipped an exam because your kid was in need?
I certainly have. Many of times. And that need was food. But what did it do to me? Made me evaluate my situation, and realize I had to figure out another way. I was not going to settle for that life of just getting by, living paycheck to paycheck as so many of us do and did. I didn't sulk and cry and whine to the world how unfair my situation is, because get this, I bet it never dawned on you, So many people have it sooo much worse. Wait, there I go assuming again. Have you had to decide which bill to pay first? Lights so you have electricity, then water, then rent? Oh no, you have auto draft on all your bills, taken straight from your checking account without any hiccups. Where some of us pray they don't process the payment so we don't get hit with insufficient funds fees. But do these people whine?? NO! They go about their day, go to work, take their kids to school, figure out how to get dinner on the table and are happy in their hearts because they made it another living day.
This was my reality once. Could you imagine it??
Yes, unfortunately I have been sexually assaulted, and shoved around. Did I have control of my body then?? Well looking back, if my dumbass did not put myself in those circumstances then the answer is yes, I absolutely had control over my body. When will adults, and females, take responsibility of their actions and behavior and stop playing the victim? When did we become a victimized society? I was in a relationship that was not pretty, but I cannot sit here and point the finger at the other person, when I myself stayed in it. It would be completely foolish of me to try and say I was beaten and was a victim to abuse. I am a big girl, I have a VOICE, I have access to help, and if I'm going to continue to put myself in danger then I better be tough enough to deal with it. (This does not go for truly victimized women in other countries who do not have a voice)
Do not sit here and make excuses for people who make excuses for themselves as to why they cannot find work. They are only EXCUSES.
If there are millions of women who want to work but can't afford childcare, my best advice, seeing as I too am a mother and childcare is not cheap, is to be your own boss. You have to make your way in this world and stop looking for a handout. If it is a handout you are looking for, theres an answer for that as well, get on government assisted aide. They will pay for food, childcare, healthcare and there now you have no more excuses. But I am positive you can come up with some.
I am not one who deals well with excuses. I started working at 14 years old, bagging groceries at the grocery store down the street from my home. I lived in a very unsafe neighborhood and would walk to and or from work most days when my mother was tied up in one of her 3 jobs at the time. Like you mentioned being a single mother is tough. I knew I wanted more for myself and was not going to get stuck in that Barrio, I begged to work and never stopped. My mother was appointed a position that she could not turn down and had to relocate my senior year of high school. I had my own place by 17 years of age, was working a mall job and going to high school! I graduated college with a Bachelors in Business Entrepreneurship with NO grants, or scholarships. I worked my entire college career, didn't have mommy or daddy's credit card to get me by. I woke up at 7am to make it to 8am class with a full day of classes until 3pm and had to drive to the city 30 minutes to make it into work by 4pm and closed by 2am. (I worked in the restaurant industry, solely off tips) I had to drive my very tired ass home to make it home by 3:30 am to shower sleep and do it again. Somehow, broke, tired and not a home to live in (seriously, I was homeless my final year of college) I graduated!!! I had a my first daughter at 25 and had zero expectations for help from family. I did not have time for excuses!!!
I got a little carried away there. Sorry. I am just fed up with everyone's pitty me stories. We all have them!!! You see, the thing with the "women's march" is that it wasn't for "women" to uplift and be supportive. It resulted in male bashing, specifically Trump, with a ton of civil matters. Which I'm all about peacefully protesting, by the way. This however was not. Celebrities, yelling profanities, was anything but a peaceful womens march. Bashing the First Lady for no reason at all, is not feminism. This was a hate filled rally with folks upset that their candidate did not win. Don't give me we aren't equal shit, because we are. Women have so many rights that we even had a female running for presidency! HOW ironic! To the women who really are victims in other countries my heart is with you and I will stand proudly with you! To the women who feel entitled and are filled with hate, I am sorry. Life is not fair. We win some, we lose some. No need crying over spilled milk. Don't put your panties in a bunch. If the women's march was about bringing awareness to equality or inequalities, why were the signs and chants everything but? All I witnessed were comments directed to President Trump. I am not with these women. I am sorry. I do not come from a place of hate and will not be a part of it. I will not spread diversity.
I was once in a horrible place. I changed my situation.
If you aren't getting equal pay, get a new job. Or be your own boss. If you are being harassed, file a complaint and change your situation. Seriously women, we do not have it that bad.
I am more terrified that people are not looking deeply into the agenda behind the scenes. Who funded the "women's march" and why? So we can continue to be divided??
I took the time to read your rebuttal to Christy's response to the "Women's March." Rather than break your article down, as you did to Christy, I will in fact respond to the points you attempted to make for all "feminists."
Firstly, I will start off by stating, weren't you told to never assume?? Going out on a limb here but, as adolescents, we are told, "do not assume, for you end up making an Ass out of U and Me"
As you stated yourself, "you could be wrong," for you most certainly are! We in fact may have a tad bit in common, reason why I feel I can and am able to rise up against your word. I too, am a college educated, professional mom, so kudos to us! Yea true femininity, giving high fives and supporting another femme! I too live in a safe neighborhood (whats safe anymore though really?), nice houses, big (and I think the word you were looking for is "mature") trees. I'm a real estate agent, so those fluffy words really just fly off our tongues. My days are also filled with tasks of a city-life living family - my kids get a warm breakfast also, I too get to work and go to the gym, however I do not have my groceries delivered to my doorstep. That's pretty fancy, Susan. Hats off to you for being able to outsource that minuscule errand we (parents) have to do with our kids. Yes it is probably one of my most dreaded errands, running to the grocery store with the kids! But to the lay person, it is just another to do that needs to be marked off our list. I am not a single mom, but my mother was, single mother of 5 kids, and drug us ALL to the grocery store. Every Sunday! Of course your life gets messy!! Hello!!! Who's doesn't?? Sure we are all grateful for our kids and bust our asses so that those precious little souls are happy and healthy, regardless of your tax bracket. Am I right? I am glad you considered the millions of women who do NOT have a slither of what you have. How can the majority even relate? I barely can, so I feel, as mentioned before, since I do have a slither of commonality, I can give you the most honest answers you are looking for.
Susan, I am going to answer your important question.
EVERYDAY! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
Several hours of every single day, was the last time I had a meaningful conversation with a woman who's life isn't like mine. Wether it is better or worse, I can guarantee, EVERYDAY!! Took me a millisecond to respond that one! Is that all you got?? Id like for you to answer the same, seeing as there isn't much diversity in the burbs. Trust me I know, I resided there once and had to get the hell out, for it was too "uppity" for my liking. While on the subject, your subject, what difference does it make where I swipe my card or how much I spent?? How do you know, I didn't bust my ass all month to budget a big grocery trip to feed my family at home, not at the fine dining in the shops of whatever suburban strip you live in? Im sorry, I made an assumption there, maybe you do not dine out, so forgive me. See how kindness works?
Take all the time you need.
How a writer chooses to open their passage is their choice. She (Christy) is completely entitled to her feelings. So if she FELT she was a "disgrace to women" because she didn't agree with the women who marched, Can she not be wrapped up in Her Own Feelings? Just as clearly you are in yours?
Susan, I was raised a second-class citizen. Spanish was my first language. I was in ESL classes with all of the other brown kids. I grew up my entire childhood into adulthood in the barrio! Do you have any clue what that even means? No not Wikipedia's version or definition. Im waiting.
I was a statistic. My voice is definitely heard.
Oh I am sorry, you had to pay a a difference for co-pay. Or your rates jumped. I am so sorry for you. I on the other hand was forced to purchase an insurance I did not want. Did I jump and rave and whine about it? well, yea for a second, but I paid my fee and kept it moving. You seem to be a smart girl and you figured out your personal problem so kudos kiddo!
The question is, have YOU ever skipped an exam because your kid was in need?
I certainly have. Many of times. And that need was food. But what did it do to me? Made me evaluate my situation, and realize I had to figure out another way. I was not going to settle for that life of just getting by, living paycheck to paycheck as so many of us do and did. I didn't sulk and cry and whine to the world how unfair my situation is, because get this, I bet it never dawned on you, So many people have it sooo much worse. Wait, there I go assuming again. Have you had to decide which bill to pay first? Lights so you have electricity, then water, then rent? Oh no, you have auto draft on all your bills, taken straight from your checking account without any hiccups. Where some of us pray they don't process the payment so we don't get hit with insufficient funds fees. But do these people whine?? NO! They go about their day, go to work, take their kids to school, figure out how to get dinner on the table and are happy in their hearts because they made it another living day.
This was my reality once. Could you imagine it??
Yes, unfortunately I have been sexually assaulted, and shoved around. Did I have control of my body then?? Well looking back, if my dumbass did not put myself in those circumstances then the answer is yes, I absolutely had control over my body. When will adults, and females, take responsibility of their actions and behavior and stop playing the victim? When did we become a victimized society? I was in a relationship that was not pretty, but I cannot sit here and point the finger at the other person, when I myself stayed in it. It would be completely foolish of me to try and say I was beaten and was a victim to abuse. I am a big girl, I have a VOICE, I have access to help, and if I'm going to continue to put myself in danger then I better be tough enough to deal with it. (This does not go for truly victimized women in other countries who do not have a voice)
Do not sit here and make excuses for people who make excuses for themselves as to why they cannot find work. They are only EXCUSES.
If there are millions of women who want to work but can't afford childcare, my best advice, seeing as I too am a mother and childcare is not cheap, is to be your own boss. You have to make your way in this world and stop looking for a handout. If it is a handout you are looking for, theres an answer for that as well, get on government assisted aide. They will pay for food, childcare, healthcare and there now you have no more excuses. But I am positive you can come up with some.
I am not one who deals well with excuses. I started working at 14 years old, bagging groceries at the grocery store down the street from my home. I lived in a very unsafe neighborhood and would walk to and or from work most days when my mother was tied up in one of her 3 jobs at the time. Like you mentioned being a single mother is tough. I knew I wanted more for myself and was not going to get stuck in that Barrio, I begged to work and never stopped. My mother was appointed a position that she could not turn down and had to relocate my senior year of high school. I had my own place by 17 years of age, was working a mall job and going to high school! I graduated college with a Bachelors in Business Entrepreneurship with NO grants, or scholarships. I worked my entire college career, didn't have mommy or daddy's credit card to get me by. I woke up at 7am to make it to 8am class with a full day of classes until 3pm and had to drive to the city 30 minutes to make it into work by 4pm and closed by 2am. (I worked in the restaurant industry, solely off tips) I had to drive my very tired ass home to make it home by 3:30 am to shower sleep and do it again. Somehow, broke, tired and not a home to live in (seriously, I was homeless my final year of college) I graduated!!! I had a my first daughter at 25 and had zero expectations for help from family. I did not have time for excuses!!!
I got a little carried away there. Sorry. I am just fed up with everyone's pitty me stories. We all have them!!! You see, the thing with the "women's march" is that it wasn't for "women" to uplift and be supportive. It resulted in male bashing, specifically Trump, with a ton of civil matters. Which I'm all about peacefully protesting, by the way. This however was not. Celebrities, yelling profanities, was anything but a peaceful womens march. Bashing the First Lady for no reason at all, is not feminism. This was a hate filled rally with folks upset that their candidate did not win. Don't give me we aren't equal shit, because we are. Women have so many rights that we even had a female running for presidency! HOW ironic! To the women who really are victims in other countries my heart is with you and I will stand proudly with you! To the women who feel entitled and are filled with hate, I am sorry. Life is not fair. We win some, we lose some. No need crying over spilled milk. Don't put your panties in a bunch. If the women's march was about bringing awareness to equality or inequalities, why were the signs and chants everything but? All I witnessed were comments directed to President Trump. I am not with these women. I am sorry. I do not come from a place of hate and will not be a part of it. I will not spread diversity.
I was once in a horrible place. I changed my situation.
If you aren't getting equal pay, get a new job. Or be your own boss. If you are being harassed, file a complaint and change your situation. Seriously women, we do not have it that bad.
I am more terrified that people are not looking deeply into the agenda behind the scenes. Who funded the "women's march" and why? So we can continue to be divided??
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