March Madness

For some, the month of March is a bit mad, people begin their lenting, which tends to make some go a bit off the deep end, we have our traditional college hoops in full effect, and of course that green holiday that gives everyone an excuse to party like its 1999. Thanks for this one Cuban. A lot has happened in just these 4 weeks for me, as my little one grows another month and has officially reached her 1 1/2 marker, she is now a toddler with a mouthful of teeth! Learning words like "uh-oh", "ball", "whats that?" she is growing more each day. This month however sparked some new changes and unexpected flairs in my life, and God has an oddly funny way about showing He is real. I hadn't spoken to my oldest sister or mom for almost 6 months due to unnecessary family drama and it was killing me inside, I was truly mortified and was unwillingly having to accept the void I was feeling inside. After those 6 months had passed I could not take it anymore and swallowed whatever pride I had left and decided to initiate some sort of communication. I sent my mother an email, it was more like a ventmail, becuase I had let it all out in that long paragraph and hit send. I was hoping to stir up some sort of reaction, and at first nothing, but several days had passed and I received a response email. At first I was hesitant, and how awkward is it knowing you are hesitant to open and read an email from your own mother. After several correspondence emails we set a time and date to meet up and grab lunch. When we met up, it was as if we just sat down and started anew, kind of forgetting and forgiving all at in one moment. I was angry and hurt that so much time had gone on, but I also knew that holding any type of grudge was not going to get me anywhere, especially not forward. So I let it go. After this meeting, my mother and I kept cordial and sent texts, emails, and even called each other again...I however still had no communication with my oldest sister. I was going to accept the fact that we would not speak again, until she could truly apologize for things said and done. But about a week ago, it was a Saturday night on 3/10/12, I received a call from my mother, which I answered and was told that my sister had just been admitted to the hospital with all types of symptoms. My mom told me she was not in any good condition at all, and knows we have not been speaking, but said my sister had mentioned, her wanting to see me. My first thought was, Oh typical Lili, she always gets the escape of having to confront her own mistakes and never puts forth the effort to make things right. After hanging up with my mom, I immediately googled the symptoms my mom had told me she was having and the first thing that pulled up was, Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer. At this point, I did not know what to think, what to feel, or what to say. I continued doing some research and luckily the survival rate was pretty high at a 80% for the highest level of the cancer, as I kept reading it mentioned the only treatment would be chemotherapy and radiation. And this is when I just could not bear not seeing her, not being with her, regardless of what she had done or not done to me in the past, I just felt that this immediate circumstance trumped all of that. All I knew in my heart was to be with her, and let her know that I love her and am by her side. I was torn that entire night and even into the next, I sat down and talked to my boyfriend and expressed how torn I was, I knew it was right by God to forget everything and just be with my sister, at the same time I felt there had been so much damage and evil directly to me and my family that I would not go to see her. I was literally on a see-saw with what to do. I slept with my mind racing that night, arose the next morning and made my decision, I would go see her, alone. As I made it to the hospital and walked in her room, my mom had been sitting there, Lili was still in surgery from a biopsy the doctors had just performed on her. So I sat in her room quietly and waited. The nurses came in and rolled her in on her bed, she still hadnt noticed I was there mainly because of all the meds she was on. She finally looked up at me and broke into tears. My sister was in the hospital for a week, going thru tests, surgeries, and finally after years of not feeling well, the Doctor had diagnosed her with Hodgkins Lymphoma with a benign tumor on the wall of her heart. I was just in shock but knew that this would be incredibly hard for her and for our family, but if we knew anything, it is how to be strong, how to fight, and for the first time have our faith tested as a whole. Now, I mentioned God having an odd sense of humor, because during those 6 months of not talking to either my sister or my mom, I had cried, prayed, and asked what was going on, I just wanted a relationship with my family again. My mom told me she had been praying the same thing during those silent months, and then BOOM! not only are we all talking again but we are forced to come together as a family and be there for one another. I told Lili, that thru all this pain she as well as all of us, had to remain Faithful to Him, it was in His hands and that he gave her something that could be cured, although not easy to get thru, but it was going to be a long 8 months of a constant reminder that He is here and we must give it to him. I am not happy that my sister is having to go thru such pain, but I am happy that God gave us a way back into eachothers lives. I know I have stated this before, but it is not in our control, decisions we make, yes, but our overall path is in His hands. A friend of mine has lost very important people in her life, and it reminded me of how I do not want Him to take my sister or any of my family members from me, especially if we are not talking over something so petty. Nothing is bigger than the Love of our Heavenly Father and the Love from our Loved Ones. We truly have to cherish the small relationships in our lives because you never know. God has his own plans.