unforgettable

We were sitting in the very back corner booth of Cuquita's, a Mexican restaurant in Dallas. Bellesa was climbing all over me and her dad as we sat and waited. Suddenly, "Volver, Volver" by Vicente Fernandez started playing overhead, was it coincidence? Moments later...and I do mean moments, in walks this figure no taller than 5'5 that's without his ranchero sombrero, black leather jacket like I always remembered, big bulky belt buckle, clean black ironed slacks and his sharp cowboy boots. I arose as he neared towards me and was shaking so bad I was just hoping nobody else could notice. He approached me raised his arms and dressed me with a huge hug, we both broke down into tears. We held each other for quite some time and as we began to let loose, I took in a breath to get a scent. I then said, "hueles el mismo", (you smell the same). He has small dark aged eyes, older wiser hands, and wore a sad, hurt and relieved smile.   We all sat down and I began talking and introducing my daughter to her grandfather, and my boyfriend to my Dad. We had not seen each other in 22 years.  The entire time we sat at the table I was trembling, shaking, sweating and nervous. I was still in awe that I was face to face with the man I have always thought just vanished. I could see and feel the hurt in him as well. It was like as if we both had a huge burden lifted from our shoulders and I could literally feel it being lifted. After dinner, we started towards the entrance to say our goodbyes and took a picture. My dad led me to the front door by arm and walked me to our vehicle. He had this firm grip on my arm that I will never forget. It was not harmful in anyway, it was more as if he finally had me in his arms and he did not want to let me go. He gave me hug after hug and told me how much he loved me. He opened my car door for me and we said our last goodbye for the evening. I got in the car and waited for him to leave the parking lot. I broke into tears when he pulled off, I could finally breathe, I could finally let all of that pain go. It was those little things that I missed most as a little girl. Your dad walking you to the car, opening the door for you, giving you these big bear hugs and being told you are loved. What seems natural and common for most, wasn't for me. I got a taste of it again that evening and that is what was so relieving. I had been holding on to so many mixed emotions for so long and was able to rid myself of always being in the unknown. I now have a great relationship with my father. As an adolescent, I envied my friends and family who had their dad in their lives and now as an adult and have my own child, I see things so much more different. There are different situations for each and every single person. Not any one person is the same as another. I have grown enough and have experienced quite a bit to fully understand that things happen for a reason. It may not be the reason we like but in the end, timing is everything and why things occur at certain times we will never know, however I like to think that all the dots connect as they should when it is all said and done. I really owe Marcio a huge thanks for actually making me commit to seeing my dad, he opened my eyes to a dad's point of view and thankfully I had an open mind and am forever grateful. Reuniting with my dad was a ginormous step for me in sooo many ways. It is a memory I will never forget.

"invertyoself"

and two years later....I now have a toddler; a walking, running, jumping, talking, whining, laughing, crying little person. Everyday I learn how to be a better parent, a more patient mother, and loving model. Children are the real test to ones character. My daughter is three, and I'd like to think three's are harder than the "terrible two's". She has decided to make her bowels her nemesis, where she is the one who ultimately suffers...well I take that back, we all do. Fun times we are experiencing at this moment. Who knew a poop could be so horrid?? The miles we go for our children is incredible. The one thing I have to remind myself even still however, is not to let her manipulate my relationship with her father. The little temper tantrums and attitudes our children throw can amazingly cause a division between the two players of the same team. It is not only a constant test with our children but our partners and even ourselves. We must love ourselves first so that we can then share that love with those we do love. The "bd" and I (I jokingly call him that, he is the love of my life), have our tit and tats as well but we are in a constant reminder of why we battle this life together. Our daughter watches us very closely. I saw a picture recently on the web, of the total of years we have with our children from when they are born until they turn 18; it was broken down into years of ages. It really hit me then, to cherish these moments, all of them. They really are not that long. We get caught up in the hustle and bustle this society throws at us and forget the true meaning why we are here. I know we all want to live a comfortable life and more importantly provide our cubs with even more than what we could have ever imagined having, but sometimes I have learned that just being with your loved ones is what matters most. I have certainly caught myself saying "I need a break", and yes as parents, we all do need one from time to time, it also is important for our sanity. But think about the big break we will get when all the kids leave the home and we then get empty nest syndrome. Time truly is a precious thing. I have in the past year, moved back in with my daughter's father, also known as my baby daddy :), attained my real estate license, and have completed reading just two books; which is a shame that number is so low. I vow to increase the novels I consume this year. I have also gained a great amount of appreciation for Yoga. I dabbled in it some in the fall but began seriously practicing in December 2013, just in this month I truly have gained respect for it. It has challenged my core in every sense of the word. It focuses my breathing, and balance like no other. It centers me, taking some time to myself to clear my mind of everything, has become an addiction. It is difficult to sit there and not stress over the bill you have to pay, the check you are waiting to receive, the shoes you want to buy, the soccer team you want to register your kid in, the grocery list still waiting to be checked off, the list goes on and on...have you ever taken a moment to let it all go? My daughter now catches me on my head and in funky positions and will join me, she laughs and thinks its fun. I frequent the gym quite often as well, but my kick ass workouts at the gym are minute to the at home self teaching Yoga stretches and positions I get myself into. I have to admit, as a mommy, Yoga has done wonders for me. I recommend it to all mommy's out there. Just for those moments when you need a breather and are about to jump out of any window, "invertyoself", get upside down. Not kidding. People will think you are nuts, but don't they anyway?